The two words we all would love to hate but can’t live without: toilet etiquette. Wherever you are, toilet etiquette is about hygiene and cleanliness. GENTLEMEN, your aim will help. Stand closer; it’s shorter than you think. LADIES, please remain seated for the entire performance.
I don’t know if it’s just me of people around me are just that lazy (and bloody disgusting). For example, today in the office sometime after lunch, someone (I won’t be pointing fingers or calling names) used the toilet before me. I walked in, and I smell piss. Looks like the bastard didn’t bother to flush, nor did he bother to wash his hands. The sink was dry mind you. If you could very well give a damn to actually walk to the toilet to pee (or shit), it wouldn’t hurt to just turn the handle to flush and put the damn seat down afterwards.
I’ve actually encountered situations far worse before. You walk into a cubicle and you see it’s a squat-type. Okay, no big deal. You then find out that there’s a pile of turd sitting right in the middle of the bowl because some ignorant fuck decided not to flush after shiting his load out. Sure, some retarded asshole actually broke the flushing lever but that doesn’t give you an excuse to not pour some water down the hole at least. And if squatting toilets are a problem, sitting toilets are worse. Some retard wouldn’t be bothered to lift the inner ring and starts to pee all over it. Not only that, some are filled with shoe prints. Wet ones that leave black imprints.
“I don’t care if you pee through your mouth or through your arse. At least flush after using the damn toilet. It’s not gonna kill you.”
— Myself via Blackberry on Facebook
I can bet that everyone of us are put off by messy, smelly restrooms, toilets or urinals. The worse of the lot are indeed the public ones. Here’s a rule of thumb: if you mess it, clean it. You can’t expect the next guy cleaning your turd off the floor after you drunken stupor into the cubicle now can you? How would you feel if you walked into this one and only cubicle to be greeted by this unholy sight littered all over the floor? Nobody, and I do mean nobody likes to clean up someone else’s mess. So it kinda makes sense for everyone to clean up after themselves right?
Stuff to keep in mind:
- If possible, do not take reading material into the office toilet. Don’t ask why. Try it for yourself.
- Don’t be an ass and peek under doors. Knock if the cubicle appears to be occupied.
- Lock your cubicle door please. You don’t want to embarrass someone, namely yourself.
- Guys; choose a spot at the urinal farthest from anyone already there or start at one corner if you’re the first. Again, don’t ask why. It’s just common courtesy (or so some people say).
- While at the urinal, never turn to look directly sideways at anyone standing there. Especially, do not look in any direction lower than his face. C’mon guys, use your brains!
- Stand close enough to the pan or urinal so you don’t leak all over the floor.
- Keep your focus, especially when you’re piss drunk. You don’t wanna wet the seat, walls or floor.
- Sit on the pan if you’re unsteady on your feet. Take note you bloody drunkards.
- Girls; sitting is compulsory. *smile*
- Squat only on squatting toilets. The throne (pedestal toilets) is for sitting only.
- Avoid messing the toilet seat. If you do, clean up after yourself – PROPERLY. This applies for guys too.
- Remember to flush the toilet after use. If you can’t be bothered to flush, why use the toilet anyway? Just fucking piss in your pants. It’s faster.
- The toilet brush (if available) is for cleaning the inside of the toilet bowl after you’re done using it. It’s not to scratch your back. Check if you need to use it. Never leave it for someone else to clean up after you.
- FLUSH AGAIN.
- Ladies, take note of your handbags. They soak up tons of germs if taken into the toilet, especially if placed on the toilet floor or where you ladies put your handbags in the toilet. Please for Christ’s sake NEVER place them on dining tables or kitchen counters if they have been taken into the toilet.
- Girls’ sanitary napkins are not to be flushed down the damn toilet. You have them special disposable bins for it right? Use it.
- Graffiti on cubicle walls are just lame. You’re no longer from the stone age. Draw on paper not on walls, fucking cavemen.
- Leave the cubicle door ajar after you’re done. It tells people that this cubicle is unoccupied.
- ALWAYS wash your hands thoroughly after your business – whatever it is.
- If you’re at home, always keep a spare roll of loo-roll in the toilet and never pee in the shower. It’s the same for you bastards that pee in the pool.
In general, toilet business is for doing, not for talking about. Whatever happens in the toilet, stays in the toilet. This goes for sounds and what not. If you have to answer the damn phone, keep it down. The echo of your bombing runs is loud enough for your recipient on the other side of the line to hear. And never, I mean NEVER keep your damn toilet windows closed. Open it up and turn on your exhaust fan if you bloody have one.
Seriously, if you can’t pee/shit properly you might as well don’t fucking bother to do it at all.